Squarely Speaking

I love getting these emails! You guys have such interesting questions and situations! I feel like we can all relate to this one:

Hi Squared, 

One of my really good girlfriends just got into a relationship.  I'm really happy for her and no one deserves happiness in love more than her.  But....I've gotten dropped like a bad habit.  We don't hang out anymore.  When we do have a conversation her boyfriend always comes up.  Like ALWAYS.  He's a nice guy too so I don't really have any animosity towards him but I'm like already sick of him.  How can I tell my girl that she's being one of "those girls"  The ones who forget about their friends when they get a man.  I don't want to sound jealous, because I'm not.  I just want to see more of my friend. What do you suggest I say?

My BFF got a BAE and I'm P.O

Hey girl hey! Thanks for your note.  I believe you when you say you're not jealous.  I don't know much more than what you've told me but I'm going to go ahead and say you don't sound jealous.  You sound hurt; which you're entitled to.  You miss your friend and you would like her to be the way she was.  But she can't do that.  She was single before and now she's in a relationship. I'm not saying that makes her different at her core, I'm saying her circumstances are different now.  She has one more person asking for her time and she's been doing some re-shifting to fit everyone in. 

I give my friends an incubation period.  It's usually the first six months. your girl and her man need that time to feel like they're the only ones in the world.  Let them build that world.  After about six months they will come up for air.  That may sound like a long time but it really isn't.  

You can also tell her something like, "Hey, you've really been MIA. I get you're busy but a text back would really mean a lot to me."  You're not coming at her with a judgement, you're saying, I need you/miss you.  I wouldn't be able to get mad at my friend for telling me she needs me.  It would bring me back down to earth actually.  My friend is not mentioning my man, so it's not about him; it's about me.  

Maybe I've been trying really hard to be a great girlfriend to my boyfriend and slipped up at being a good friend to my girl. 

You could also take this time to connect with other friends.  We all have that ONE friend.  Our Ace.  So if you're Ace is hemmed up, why don't you try to strengthen those other bonds?  You might discover new circles, new networks.  You might find a boo yourself and now ya'll can double date...HA!

Let me know how it goes, if that doesn't work and she still isn't receptive, you and I can hang!

-xoSquared

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's that time of year!  When we gather with our families to eat, drink and be merry.  

We also gather to give side eyes, sigh heavily and hide in the bathroom.  

Now, if you live in a Christmas card and your family is perfect, I want you to enjoy that! It's truly a beautiful thing.

To the rest of us, hang in there.  We're going to make it.  The holidays can be a very stressful time for people.  I don't have to tell you that, that's not news.  There will be hundreds of articles out just in time to help you cope with the anxiety.  I'd like to tell you that it's OK NOT to be joyful when seeing that one aunt whom you dislike.  Your weird uncle doesn't need to tolerated.

If you're hosting this year, you are in control on the guest list.  

Don't invite people into your home if you don't absolutely want to see them.  

You're going to be cooking all day, hot and sweaty; stressing over the seating chart and here comes your mom with the cousin she found down the street?  Nah.  Now, if the person is already there, you have enough food AND you can stand the extra body heat; hey the more the merrier.  However, if you had a very specific plan and someone is bringing tagalongs.  No.  You can't sit with us!  Tell the family member who brought them that this is your house and your party,  YOU decide who stays.

I know people who are not inviting their parents to dinner.  I get it! If you know your parents are toxic why marinate in that on purpose?  Because the calendar told you to? Negative.  The holidays belong to you too! You should be able to enjoy yourself and not have to deal with the mental acrobats of deflecting back handed compliments or outright hateful actions.  Don't do it.

But, it's the holidays! A time to come together! Not if we don't vibe the entire rest of the year. Call me mean if you want; I've been called worse. However, best believe I'm enjoying my holiday while others are just trying to survive.  

So whatever you do, be it ramen noodles or a five course event, make sure YOU are enjoying yourself.  

P.S. Eat everything! The gym will be there this weekend 😉 

-xoSquared