I love getting these emails! You guys have such interesting questions and situations! I feel like we can all relate to this one:
Hi Squared,
One of my really good girlfriends just got into a relationship. I'm really happy for her and no one deserves happiness in love more than her. But....I've gotten dropped like a bad habit. We don't hang out anymore. When we do have a conversation her boyfriend always comes up. Like ALWAYS. He's a nice guy too so I don't really have any animosity towards him but I'm like already sick of him. How can I tell my girl that she's being one of "those girls" The ones who forget about their friends when they get a man. I don't want to sound jealous, because I'm not. I just want to see more of my friend. What do you suggest I say?
My BFF got a BAE and I'm P.O
Hey girl hey! Thanks for your note. I believe you when you say you're not jealous. I don't know much more than what you've told me but I'm going to go ahead and say you don't sound jealous. You sound hurt; which you're entitled to. You miss your friend and you would like her to be the way she was. But she can't do that. She was single before and now she's in a relationship. I'm not saying that makes her different at her core, I'm saying her circumstances are different now. She has one more person asking for her time and she's been doing some re-shifting to fit everyone in.
I give my friends an incubation period. It's usually the first six months. your girl and her man need that time to feel like they're the only ones in the world. Let them build that world. After about six months they will come up for air. That may sound like a long time but it really isn't.
You can also tell her something like, "Hey, you've really been MIA. I get you're busy but a text back would really mean a lot to me." You're not coming at her with a judgement, you're saying, I need you/miss you. I wouldn't be able to get mad at my friend for telling me she needs me. It would bring me back down to earth actually. My friend is not mentioning my man, so it's not about him; it's about me.
Maybe I've been trying really hard to be a great girlfriend to my boyfriend and slipped up at being a good friend to my girl.
You could also take this time to connect with other friends. We all have that ONE friend. Our Ace. So if you're Ace is hemmed up, why don't you try to strengthen those other bonds? You might discover new circles, new networks. You might find a boo yourself and now ya'll can double date...HA!
Let me know how it goes, if that doesn't work and she still isn't receptive, you and I can hang!
-xoSquared