I had a little pow wow with some of my friends recently and it unpacked a lot. One of my friends is dealing with someone who is unavailable in every way, shape and form. He is jobless, homeless, car-less, single-less, he is just LESS. However, my friend continues to talk to him. Which hey, do you boo. I'm not judging him on what he doesn't have, but I am judging him on what he does have, which is a lot of time to tell my friend *Sharon about what she needs to do to change the way she lives her life.

Yes, he is giving her advice on how to live her best life. Sharon is a full-time single mom, she goes to work full time and also goes to school. She is doing all she can to advance herself and go for what she knows is hers. However, this fool has the audacity to tell her she isn't doing enough to live to her full potential. If this doesn't make a small fire of rage burn in your chest, you're a better person than me. Sharon is no slouch by any means. I see her continuously set and achieve goals. So, it boggles my mind that this guy could even fix his face to say an eighth of the things he does.

I'm all for having new experiences and trying to grow out of your comfort zone but no one should be trying to change you. If you are happy with the way you are (no matter what anyone opines about the way you live your life) then that's all that counts. To me, this guy is trying to encroach on Sharon because he knows he's around because of convenience/circumstances. If Sharon had the time to properly date or really put herself out there, this guy wouldn't stand a chance...he knows that.

I used to date a guy who would tell me how beautiful I was, how smart, funny, cool, perfect I was for him. Then he would turn around and just say something hurtful out of the blue. At first, I thought it was all jokes. I can be quite sarcastic and can take a razzing. But one day, he got particularly malicious and I questioned him right after he said it. Not in an accusatory tone, because I knew what he was saying was so out of pocket that I couldn't even take the insult personally. I looked him squarely in the eye and asked: "Why would you say that?"

Since my tone was so matter of fact, his immediate response was "I'm sorry". I didn't press it but later on that night, while in bed (because that's where the good convos pop off) he said he'd thought further on what he said and it was interesting:

I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you. Honestly, when I feel bad about myself, I try to make someone else feel just as bad. It's wrong of me to do it, especially to you, I love you.

This guy reminds me of that ex. He feels so bad about himself that he has to pull down the best thing he has in his life. He's trying to dim Sharon so he doesn't look so murky. So if you take nothing else from this little missive of mine its:

DO NOT DIM YOURSELF TO LIGHT ANOTHER

Don't worry about me...I've got my sunnies on. Shine even harder!

You continue to shine bright like the magnificent diamond you are. Don't take anyone's else's hangups and make them your own. If you know you are doing the best you can with what you've got and you are constantly striving and thriving; don't let anyone who is not doing the same tell you differently.