When we were kids, we allowed ourselves to dream the wildest dreams. We wanted to be astronauts, ringmasters, popstars, teachers, pilots, artists...heroes. We dreamed with wild abandon. We didn't believe in doubt or "you can't do that", we just knew what we wanted and held on to that. As we grow up some dreams change; our interests change, our circumstances are in constant flux. Then you settle into what you want to do with your life. This is where I find myself tripping.
I shall rule this world with Grace. For I am a benevolent Queen.
There are days when i feel like I am absolutely killing it and I am going to evolve to Beyonce level ascension and all my chakras will align and I will be the prototype for a life gotten to the fullest degree.
Then there are Wednesdays...
My life is such a waste!
Or whatever day it falls on but there are days when I work myself into such a tizzy. I fully own how my brain will turn against me and make me feel like I've failed as a human being. I can spiral pretty quickly and question my entire life as I know it. When this happens, I usually cry, like, ugly cry. I let it out and usually just go to sleep. When I wake up, I question myself and ask myself why I feel what I feel. Check this post to see what I mean. Usually, when I get down to the nitty gritty it boils down to me feeling like I haven't achieved enough. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve the absolute most at all times. We need to win. There are obstacles that will always make our journey a little harder. However, I feel that I am my biggest obstacle sometimes. Comparing ourselves to others and their journeys is the quickest way to sabotage yourself. We know this. But sometimes we have to be flexible with ourselves and learn to let go. We get so fixed on a certain way of doing something that we miss the detours that could bring us to the same destination.
There's always more than one way...
You have got to be open to the endless possibilities all these different ways could impact you. You want to open your own business; be your own boss. However, you find yourself stuck at a job you hate because you can't make that move to financially support yourself. Why stay at the job you hate? Get another job, with another boss, that you hate a little less so you can continue working on your plan. You know what? Sometimes you have to scrap the whole plan. And that's OK. It really is. Start from Square One and plot from there. Even Google Maps recalculates from your current location. REFRESH!
You're not abandoning your plan, you are adapting to circumstances. You've got to stay flexible to see where you need to dip off course and recalculate. There is nothing wrong with giving up on a stale plan for another that continues to move. It may be a lateral move instead of vertical move but it's still a move. You're still moving forward.
I know this may seem like a lot of cheery talk, but you should see me when I spiral. Everything is terrible and I simply cannot go on with life. And yes, I am quite dramatic, so that intensifies everything because MY brain is very good at taking me to the most extreme circumstance very quickly. However, when I talk to a friend about it; I usually say "I'm spiraling, I know i'm being ridiculous but...." When I hear myself saying that, I know I'm on my way to course correcting because if I can tell I'm being extra, I'M BEING EXTRA.
So change it all up. Change it all until it makes you happy. Don't lose that dreamer in you, just because Adulting has gotten in the way. You ever see parents keep the treats on very high shelves and then their babies become Spider man and scale walls? Yea, start scaling some walls to get what you want.
What makes you spiral? Can you tell when you do it? How do you bring yourself back? Let me know!
xoSquared