When I crush, I crush hard. I've only had one crush in my life. ONE. One debilitating, sweat inducing, hot-flash causing crush. I would sweat my hair out just talking about him. I would try my name with his last name on for size. (It worked so well!) My nose was wide open for him. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same way. Needless to say, the wind was knocked out of my sails. However, that's when I realized that I put all of this stress on myself. I wrote an entire saga in my head and didn't even bother to take his cues or signals into consideration. So I say to you: Stop writing the story in your head. Which story? The one where you date him for a couple of weeks and he's the one. He's perfect and he's everything you ever wanted. You've named your babies and you've decided on a destination wedding. Then out of the blue, he breaks up with you and you lose your entire shit.

Stop.

Of course it goes without saying. He was a jerk. He's basically the devil in human form. DUH. But lets talk true for a minute. Just you and me? It was a couple of months. Yes, they were glorious. GLORIOUS, I'm not going to fight you on that. You've never felt so high. He was bae. WAS.

If he cheated on you - he's wack. But also, you dodged a bullet. If there are no children involved there's no reason to go to his job and demand he speak with you. There's no need to fake pregnancies or illnesses or anything like that (these things actually happen, I have friends). If he just ghosted, that's super wack but again, it's no reason to lose your mind over someone who couldn't muster the courage to just say: "No thank you."

You wrote a narrative in your head that didn't align with his. It's his loss. He pulled out on the role of a lifetime. He would've be the co-star to the blockbuster movie which is your life. He bowed out, it's time to make rewrites, hold auditions, screen tests and rehearsals.

By all means, enjoy the ride but always take pitstops and assess the situation. Am I ignoring red flags because "it's new" or "it'll change when we're serious"? Is he fulfilling what you need in a partner? or you need him to fulfill YOU? There's a difference. If you see that you NEED him to be complete, that's what would worry me. What am I lacking in myself that I need him to supplement it? This is why Singlehood is so important (check my previous post for more). Those are the times you work on these aspects of your life. Not when you're in a relationship and you find yourself doing everything he does and when he goes out of town or hangs with the fellas you're cyberstalking him because he left you home with nothing but time and an active imagination. Don't do it to yourself. Write yourself a full, rich story. Get an awesome ensemble cast. Have subplots. Take intermissions. The third act will be here soon enough, why barrel through it?

xoSquared