Girl, you won't guess who just texted me?!
When it comes to you, I really have no idea. The Pope, old girlfriends, Spoiled Milk, Ray J, Trainager?
This real text exchange pretty much sums up my dating life. Also, yes mostly everyone gets a nickname.
I tend to collect boyfriends without my knowledge. I'm not saying this in a lofty, boastful way like, I have a team of dudes just waiting on me hand and foot (that would be awesome actually) but I tend to get into situations where I'm calling my bestie saying "You will not believe what just happened to me?" and it's usually me recounting how I'm in the doghouse with a man because he's in his feelings because he made up a relationship that didn't exist.
My friend Loira's responses are always: But you're in a relationship Frances, you didn't know? That's your man! You are his woman and you need to understand that. How dare you think you have a choice. You his boo! Me:
Um...How?
I've been in long distance relationships, relationships with guys I've met through mutual friends, I've gotten a boyfriend being a spectator at a sporting event, I've gotten a man who felt "he saw a future with a girl like me" after getting my number and texting me within 45 minutes of meeting me. Now, wait...I'm not saying that communication right after meeting is a bad thing. It's not "thirsty" -- if you want to reach out, please do so, but not with "I can see us building a life together"; having my number in your phone a smooth 46 minutes. No thanks.
I've had baffling conversations, where I've been accused of cheating and my response is "cheating on who?" then I get the cold shoulder. I could completely understand if I led these guys on, if I told them they were the only one - but I don't and yet...here I am in another make believe relationship. So when I break that down, they usually see my point of view (or pretend to) and then we decide it's best if we just remain friends or move on. Which actually means they'll send me that "Sup?" text months or even years later. Yes, years...it's happened.
But, you know what? I think it's just the state of dating in general. People either want to play the field or date to mate -- no judgement here! I think women have really started to embrace what THEY want. No longer are they pining away for Prince Charming. Women embrace the fact that every man you date will not be your husband. It's OK to enjoy yourself. Date around, meet people and have fun. I think women have gotten really good at navigating the dating scene to their advantage.
Have the tables turned? Are guys looking to commit while we ladies are busy playing the field? Or do guys want to build the perfect team? Get as many as you can on "lock" but don't want to become a part of team themselves.
It seems like immediate monogamy isn't a thing anymore. It isn't for me, that's for sure! It's understood that each person is a free agent until you come together and talk about ending that free agency. Well, that's what I thought. But I've gotten into some eye roll inducing situations over my free agency not being discussed.
I've had a man tell me : " You know what I like about you? You look me in the eye when you speak to me." My response was "UM...IS THAT WEIRD FOR YOU?"
Once I said that, I think he realized how it sounded and he tried to explain what he meant -- I just felt like "damn, are we not even looking at each other in the eye now?" Are we so interested in the next one that we don't notice the one in front of us?
Is eye contact so rare that when you find it, it becomes special?
I looked you in the eye, smiled and gave you the respect of a fellow human...totally in love with you!
sorry...notsorry
I may bring it upon myself l though. I don't subscribe to that whole "you're not special until you're claimed" mentality. Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are boundaries and you don't give your all to a person or situation that doesn't deserve it. However, there's no reason to go out of your way to make someone feel less than your ideal person.
We don't have to have labels but if I'm with you at a particular time, I'm with YOU. I'm not looking at the next guy, I'm not looking for something better while you're in my presence. That's just rude, frankly. I am treating you like you matter because you do! If I've chosen to spend my time with you, you are special to me at that time. It may just be that ONE time, but during that time, it's your time.
I think that gets misconstrued easily. I may seem eager and "into it" because, in the moment, I am. I just believe in reciprocity. I treat you the way I would like to be treated. I wouldn't want to feel like a guy is constantly looking for the next girl while with me, so I won't do it to him.
So if that gets me some make believe boyfriends who I have to "break up" with, that's OK. I'll take the uncomfortable conversation over going out of my way to treating a guy poorly so he understands that he isn't my boyfriend but just a play thing.
I was taught to take care of my toys.
xoSquared
It might seem like a crush, But it doesn't mean that I'm serious
'Cause to lose all my senses, That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby...