I don't get how some dudes want all the perks with none of the effort? Like you want me to come see you, call you, text you and chase you and all I get is a "hey" every now and then? Nah, that's not the way that's going to go.
I am an avid advocate of reciprocity. I go as hard for you as you go for me. If you just send me a text here and there, that's what you'll get from me. If you call me all the time, I will call you just as much. But don't come with minimum effort expecting maximum results.
I'm not saying a man has to pay for everything but I don't want to have to come out of my pocket ALL the time. I'm not offended if a man asks me to pay half on anything because if I really want to do it (the meal, the trip, the experience, etc.) I won't mind because it's something I'm interested in doing. But if i find myself paying for every meal, every excursion; making all the efforts then I get turned off. Because to me, I feel like I'm being leeched upon. Now, before you say, "That's a double standard, Squared! Men are expected to pay for everything all the time!" I don't expect a man to pay all the time. I've gone on dates and have offered to pay the bill. The entire bill, half, or just gratuity. Some have taken me up on the offer and some haven't; I don't think less of a man if he takes me up on the offer.
If he wants to pay, let him. If you do, let him let you.
PSA: offering shouldn't be used as a "testing" tactic. Don't offer to pay and then get mad when he agrees. You opened yourself to that. If you don't want to pay, do not offer.
There are certain things to chill about in life, me is not one of them. I like action, I like effort, I like follow-through. Play it too cool and I'll take that as disinterest and keep it moving. Then I get those, "Oh you forgot about me!" text. Yes, I did. I'm busy living a full, active life and if you don't assert yourself and make yourself present, I'm doing things that occupy me. Correspondence is a two way street. If you haven't heard from me, it's because I haven't heard from you.
Telling me you're bad a communicating is opening yourself up to a side eye from me. I understand that being loquacious is not a universal trait. I actually enjoy silence. You don't have to be talkative to communicate effectively. If you use a small amount of words make them effective.
Radio Silence!
Ghosting someone for days is not being bad at communication - its inconsiderate, passive aggressive and plain rude. Which is why I tell a person almost immediately, "please don't waste your time, I'm not interested." That has been followed up with messages trying to persuade me to come around...THEN is when I stop responding because NO is No is No is No.
Girls, you're guilty of this too :) If you don't like him, just say so. No need to ghost. Also, if you just want to put him on the back burner until you're interested (read:bored) fine, but be upfront and honest about that. Will he stop talking to you? Probably. No one wants to be someone's "maybe when everyone else is busy." It's that golden rule: Do unto others as you would like done to you.
So the next time a guy takes 4 days to respond to your text and you've already brought it to his attention that you don't like that, keep it moving. Don't let anyone disrespect your time for some steamy sexts. Unless that's all you want, then go ahead girl, keep him in your Contacts under "Once in a While Penile"!
-xoSquared