Sorry I've been lax on this. Choosing a place to lay your head for the next year or two in NYC is the pits. Like why do I have to choose between walking a mile to the train station or showering in the kitchen both for two grand?! Anyway... I digress, let's read mail:

Dear SWC,

You seem like you keep drama in your life to a minimum. Help me! I've been friends with my bestie for a long time. Years! We've been through a lot together and we usually have a great time together. But for the past couple of months, she's been very up and down. We get into spats and go without speaking for a couple of days or weeks. I really don't like drama so I usually try to resolve things and reach out to her and apologize if I did something wrong, even if I didn't.

But I'm tired of doing that! Just recently, she acted way out of character and got very petty for no reason. She's blocked me on social media and I'm pretty much done! Should I try to talk to her to let her know how I'm feeling or should I just let the silence be and just move on? She's my friend but I'm tired of always being the bigger person. What do yo think?

-DonewithDrama

Thanks for reaching out DWD!

Spats with the bestie are tough. They are your favorite person in the world but they also know exactly what to do and say to hurt your feelings the absolute most.

This is two-fold: If you've noticed these changes in the past couple of months, think about any changes that may have occurred. Did she get a new job? lose one? Have you? Any new people around? A new bf/gf? Maybe a new friendship. Any of things could be adding stress to her and she may be taking it out on the one constant in her life...YOU. Perhaps she feels you will always be there so she can have her tantrums and you'll just know that "it's the way she is" so you won't take it personally. But you do, so that needs to be expressed.

On the other hand, I truly believe that people outgrow each other. Life takes us in different directions and we have to leave some people behind. No animosity or shade-- some people are in your life for a reason and a season. The experiences you go through with them help shape the person you are. If you are noticing that this isn't fun anymore, or there is more drama than Dynasty, then maybe its time to move on. Being the bigger person is an admirable thing, but it does get exhausting when you're the only one growing.

Why apologize if you didn't do anything wrong?

Don't get into the habit of apologizing for someone else's faults. If she's gone radio silent, you can go along with that, but know that when she's ready to talk and you aren't, you'll be the one who "changed"; you'll be the one being petty or shady. If you're cool with that, carry on silently. However, I say, write her a letter or a text telling her how you feel. If she doesn't respond, that's fine, you said your piece and it's off your chest. Atthat point, the ball is in her court and when(if) she decides to respond, you'll know you said what you needed and can let it go.

She might recognize her faults and apologize, or she might tell you you're bugging and she needs a break. Could go either way, but the most important thing in all of this is to know what you want. Losing friends is hard. Sometimes worse than a significant other because, you're friends (if you're anything like me) are the the family you chose, not the one you were born into. They carry weight in our hearts. It'll be hard if it ends but now you know what you'll tolerate in relationships.