I don't know what scares me more. The ease with which people plan and execute mass murder and terror or the ambivalence that's slowly creeping into me about it?

Aurora, Paris, Virginia Tech, Brussels, Orlando and others I can't name because why? You know exactly where I'm talking about. It's everywhere. We are so quick to change the colors of our profile pictures or "Stand with XYZ" against terror, almost like a trend. This disturbs me. As did my reaction of: "Another one? where?" shaking my head and going to make my morning coffee before sitting in front of the TV.

I made coffee! People may say it's shock... I don't know, I don't like that these shootings don't illicit more of a knee jerk response from me.

Am I used to it'?

49 souls, 49 different universes are gone because of one guy. For what? He didn't like gay people? It looks so stupid when I type it. He didn't like them (or what they represented) so he decided they could no longer live. Most illogical. But it IS illogical to someone who isn't mentally deranged. You can't figure out how these people get to the point they do to carry these acts out, because in my mind, it's NEVER that deep.

I can't watch the 24 hour news cycle like my parents. They watch for information, I watch for sensationalism and I usually find what I'm looking for. I can't stand the same information being repeated as its breaking. You don't know anything!! Come back when you do!

It hurts my head to think that if I were to get an abortion, I would be put through a gauntlet of tests and questions, made to watch a video, wait three days to think about if I really want to do this; asked over and over if I'm sure. However, the government can monitor our activity, KNOW someone is a threat and put them on a no fly list. Said person, who can't fly, can go to a gun show/store and walk out with as many arms and ammunition as they wish and no one bats an eye because it's the Second Amendment. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We are really fuxxing up as humans...I see videos of animals...ANIMALS showing more compassion for one another than homo sapiens. We stand there and record it...but that's the extent of how we help.

I watch my television and just shake my head. Is it because I'll move this to the back burner of my brain so I can go to the club next weekend? Because I can't let terror win right? I have to continue living my life; with so much joy that my light outshines the terror. That's all well and good but I also have to think that along with the ABC's, I'll haveto teach my kids about Active Shooters, Suicide Bombers, how to hide in a public place and to always run...run for you life.