I've only recently gotten really comfortable in my own skin. I wouldn't say I had severe body issues because I know that's a serious problem and there are so many people who deal with body dysmorphia and other intense, complicated and REAL body issues. I would say I was self conscious about my body in a very regular way. I would always try a diet or a new workout plan. Would I restrict calories? Yes. Would I skip a meal? Sure and regret it immediately. So, this post isn't about me overcoming a mental health issue, this is just me feeling myself lately.
But first, let me take a selfie!
This renewed confidence has really started peaking lately. I feel the best I have in years and when I look in the mirror, I don't see a pudgy tummy or thighs that rub together anymore. I've found my stride and have worked to make my body function better: I have bad knees and excess weight makes them hurt so having less weight instantly made them feel better; so functionally it's been a positive change. However, I think my perspective has changed a lot too. Yes, I'm leaner but I probably weigh more because I've gained muscle. I let go of that unattainable magic number on the scale because it's pretty arbitrary at this point. I no longer want to feel skinny, I want to feel strong. There's a big difference.
I now see curves. I like how my body is soft in some places. I like the supreme femininity that I feel. I've also noticed that I'm taking a lot more selfies. I don't think its's narcissistic anymore, because I used to. But now I get it. Selfies are a good way to get a look at yourself from another perspective. They're a good way to capture a moment when you were REALLY feeling yourself. I think we all need more moments like that. Do you like the way you look? Capture that moment. I think, as women, we're not allowed to have many of those moments because there's this make believe competition that is stirred up. "I don't look like her", "My butt isn't as big", "She's so skinny!"
If there's a minute you feel like:
"Yea, I'm slaying right now!" Document it!
Yaaaasssss!!!
I really do enjoy this new found attraction to myself. I also feel that my liking myself a little more has made me more attractive to others. It seems like a lot more people are interested in me. Not just sexually but in general. They want to talk to me and I welcome it. I'm more outgoing and feel confident enough to just be me in a social situation.
I think this also has to do with my birthday. It being this week and all! I've said this to people who are dreading their 30s:
The older you get the amount of fucks you give plummets.
There are just so many things that I've let go of because I simply see they are not worth the stress, the battle or the time. You really do pick and choose what to give your energy to. I'm just trying to engage in what makes me happy. All the time. Constantly having that as my mission keeps me present, keeps me engaged with myself. It keeps me having fun. Which in turn keeps me FEELIN' MYSELF!!
Squares, how are you feeling? Let me know, hit me up.
xoSquared