It's time to read the mail. I got this question a while back and gave pause about how to answer it. I reached out to the person asking to see if they would feel comfortable with me sharing their question and my answer. They didn't want to be revealed but signed off on my sharing it with all of you.

I think it's a very important subject and even if you don't agree with anything I say, I'm just glad we can open a dialogue about it because I feel like we don't talk about it enough.

Hi, Square

Love the site! Do you have any tips on how to set up a "Friends with Benefits" situation? it's been a very long time since I've been intimate with anyone and I'm feeling that itch. There are some guys in my contact list that I could ring up but I really just want the body. I don't want anything else. Does that make me terrible? I just want a guy to give me the business and we can keep it moving along. I'm not one for sex without relationships but I'm just not into anyone like that right now but still want to get my rocks off. I'm not too keen on self-love either, I'd rather outsource the job. What would you do?

Thank you,

BlueBall Betty

TripleB!

Thank you for your question. I wouldn't consider myself an authority but I can give it a shot. The one thing that REALLY stuck out to me about your situation is the fact that you're more comfortable outsourcing your love. Bring that job back home! It all starts at Square One (get it?). If you don't feel comfortable touching you, why would anyone else? I'm all for a booty call and I'll get to that in a minute, but I want to talk about what's more important...you.

I want you to think about WHY self-love doesn't do it for you? Why would you rather outsource it? In order to have the best sexual experiences, we need to be in tune with what our bodies like, dislike, want and need. How will you discover these things? You can certainly have lots of partners (no judgement) and learn from each experience; or you can do a lot of the work yourself. Think of a time you felt very good in a sexual situation. What was happening? Why did you like it? Was your partner speaking to you? Were they playful? Maybe aggression turned you on. Perhaps it was the setting? Whatever it was, figure out what made it work for you.

A little personal side-note: I've always believed that the biggest sexual organ I have in my body is my brain. If my thoughts are vibing with the environment, sparks fly. For example: I can go to the gynecologist and not have fun...at all. However, if I were to be in the same position with a fellow of my choice and he's giving me "an exam" things would be much different (hubba hubba). My brain is controlling the situation. I could go through the motions with one guy and feel nothing (which I try to avoid because it's such a waste of time, like seriously. I could be doing ANYTHING other than this guy and have more fun), but I can kiss another one and my body is on fire. Your brain needs to vibe with the surrounding energy.

So, my suggestion would be for you to explore your sexual energy. What is it? Is it playful, aggressive, submissive, dominant. What turns you on? Read more about finding your Jezebel Spirit here.

Obviously do things that you're comfortable with but how can you truly be comfortable enough to have sex with no strings attached if you haven't explored yourself yet. Get to know the touch of your hand and it will lead you to what you want. Even if its just temporarily to scratch the itch. You just want to relieve some pressure? There are so many toys available for us ladies to do that in the comfort and privacy of our homes. Especially for those days when you're like: "I would love a little nookie but then he's going to want to talk to me after, UGH" LOL.

It happens, we all get those moments when we're like "Hmm, could I seriously use a man for nothing more than his body? With no second thoughts of his emotional state after I objectify him as an instrument for the sole purpose of my pleasure? The answer is yes. Yes you can, lol. You don't owe a man anything. We're adults, if you feel yourself tripping over strings, just have the conversation and cut them. You're not being mean, you're being honest. Remember that. Always be honest because even if they want to slander your name they can never say you lied.