I took a little trip over to the City of Sin last month and I have to admit it was a little bittersweet. The first time I went, I went with my three girlfriends, it was the quintessential "girls trip". It was Stephanie's first plane ride and she was terrified but took it like a champ. The trip was full of firsts: First trip with Stephanie, first time in Vegas, first bodycon dress, first time meeting a boy who made me sweat by only looking at me (God, he was so cute, he was like 6'6, green eyes, skin like caramel and anyway, he made me sweat my hair out, you girls know that's serious!)

Anyhoo, Vegas has taken a new tone for me ever since Steph passed. I can't help walk through the Bellagio and absently retrace our steps, or pass by Spago and think about how classy we thought we were for dinner. I thought of how we zip-lined down Fremont under the neon canopy. We were so excited and taking the streets by storm.

Having birthdays a week apart, Steph and I talked about ringing in our "Dirty Thirty" in Vegas. We would invite our friends and family and just bug out. She never made it to 30. I did and I went. I did it for myself. I was going to live life to the fullest now. And then it hit me....right before dinner, I was looking in the mirror putting on my face when I lock eyes with, L (this woman has been my rock) who's winging the HELL out of her liner and she looks at me and says. "It's ok, we knew this would happen. Do it." And I just cried. Here I was, getting ready in a grand suite on the 52nd floor and I'm in my underwear crying about not having Stephanie there. L jumped into action : "Remember, we carved out 10 minutes for your breakdown. (we both knew it would happen so...) It's your birthday, we can cancel everything, I don't care if they're waiting downstairs. They can wait. It's about you." Did I mention that L is my rock?! Love her, because she was serious, she was going to shut everything ALL THE WAY down.

I only needed 2 of the 10 minutes to cry and I got myself together. I was with a group of people that loved me and Steph was there in spirit. It was just a moment where everything came full circle. Steph and I won't travel together anymore but she'll travel within me.

So every time I come out to the desert it's not as salacious as it would be for others. It's a place that holds great memories for me. More slumber party than stripper poles. More bourgie dinner than blackjack dealers.

the other side of the Strip...less glitter for sure

Going to Vegas without the intention of obliterating your liver and taking your finances hostage is pretty interesting. You're sober enough to see the small strip for what it is. Lots of glitter and paint on an old city that is just learning new tricks.

The strip gave me real "I am Legend" vibes when I walked around at 9am sober and clear headed. It was like having it all to myself. This place comes alive at night but at dawn it's as sleepy as can be.

I'll be back to Vegas in the future, it serves it purpose. There cannot be a Backstreet Boys residency and it miss me! (The amount of texts and notifications I got about this was amazing, lol Ya'll just KNOW me)