After I decided to "get my life" every single day, I told myself to come from a place of Yes. I used to shy away from anything too "crazy". Even if it was in my head, I wouldn't act on it. I can't tell you what specific thing or feeling that was holding me back, maybe just my own hangups but after 2013 I told myself to say YES to: new opportunities (Hey new job!), new people (waddup new friends!), new foods (hello Brussels Sprouts!) and new experiences. Say yes to it all because even if it doesn't work out, it's a deposit in my Experience Bank so I still win.

However, when saying yes, I realized that I had to say no more often. Say no to things you simply don't want to do. It will free you from the tangles of drama, anxiety and time sucking activities.

Growing up, I'd see my mom stress herself out with situations that would've never come to pass if she simply would've said no. She'd get stressed, lash out or just plain pout about it and I'd have to deal with the fallout because she didn't say no from jump. I didn't get it. JUST SAY NO! I've sat in a room and have watched it all go down, my mom gets roped into something she doesn't want to do. I KNOW she doesn't want to do it, she KNOWS she doesn't want to do it but somehow she gets stuck doing it. It would be things like: Going somewhere with a friend after work, hosting a holiday, having someone stay with her, eating some place she doesn't want to eat. A whole range of things and she would just do it because she didn't say no. When I would ask her "Why didn't you just say no?" she would say:

"I didn't say anything. I didn't say yes so I figured they would get the picture". She was serious...because she DIDN'T say yes, she figured that was a NO.

She took her silence or non committal response as a no and when that didn't come across to others (because they are not mind readers, rude!) she was now stuck in a situation she didn't want to be in. This really blew my mind because I know my mother isn't alone in this. This is quite scary. How many women don't say no because they don't want to be seen as mean? Think about it. Think about what they are subjecting themselves to because they don't want to hurt someone else's feelings. That's when I realized that No is a dirty word for some people. They just don't feel comfortable saying it.

My mother and most of my family think I'm a bit of a pit bull because NO comes out of my mouth so easily and I am completed unbothered by it. I thought it was just one more trait that made me a little different than the rest of my clan but I've seen my friends and colleagues struggle as well. My mother will now send others to me KNOWING that I will shut all of it down. I'm her "bad cop". However, once I realized that, I started saying No to her :) It freed up a lot of my time and she got the message too. She's learned to say no more often. Not as often as I'd like her to but baby steps are still steps.

It's so hard to say no

I've heard this plenty of times and I always ask one question: Why? Are you afraid of disappointing others? Hurting someone's feeling? Losing out on an opportunity? Being labeled as difficult? These are all legitimate fears, I get that. But look at it like this: By not saying no, are you: Disappointing yourself? Hurting your feelings, losing out on an opportunity to be yourself, labeling yourself a doormat? I think these are greater fears to have. I know it's hard for all my caretakers out there, you guys want to make sure everyone is OK before you think of yourselves. But how are you going to keep giving when saying yes to everything depletes you of being able to do what works for you?

No isn't a dirty word. It's a great word. It's a complete sentence. It's a word that helps us say Yes to the things that really matter. Free yourself to do what you really want to do. Saying it doesn't make you a bad person, I think it makes you more self aware. You're taking stock of what really needs your presence and what won't add to your Experience Bank.

Say no to that party you really don't want to go to but will trek to due to extreme FOMO, just to realize that you've missed absolutely nothing.

Say no to that company lunch when you know the office politics are just too much and you may end up throwing a drink in someone's face (I had to talk my friend through this one recently).

Say no to that guy that only texts you when it's convenient for him and offers nothing but 5 thrusts and a slice of pizza (unless that's what you're into, then go for it - pizza is pizza for goodness sakes!).

Say no to that coworker who ALWAYS needs an extra hand but is never around when you need one.