I'm tired ya'll. So tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Totally. Tired.
I want to let you know this because it's normal and natural. I'm seeing my Instagram feed exploding with workouts and summer outfits and vacations and pure unadulterated joy and success. I feel like everyone is a brand these days; I'm over here just trying to get through the week and I'm being told to "Keep Going!" "You Got This!", which wouldn't be a problem, if I didn't know that some of these people were going through it in real life.
Why don't we talk about that more? I am a naturally optimistic person so I tend to have a sunny disposition. But, I get tired, I get cranky, I get achy and antsy and when I do, I go quiet. I go quiet because I tend to be private but I also know what it's like to be the target of someone's insecurities and emotional turmoil. Hence, why I would rather shut it all down until I'm ready to reemerge and be at full capacity with myself and others; than lash out at people who are just living their lives as well. But we need to tell people what's going on. Let them know: I'm burned out and I simply cannot.
Not all the woe is me; really good things are happening for me right now. I'm going through a personal expansion of epic proportions. It's exciting, it's scary and it's exhausting. I have to remind myself that feeling bogged down or stressed is not me being ungrateful. I think we always want more and then when we get it we feel like we can't complain. You shouldn't complain when your dreams finally come true but you can take time to readjust to your new situation.
My day job is secured; aced review season and they haven't fired me yet so that's positive But with that, comes more responsibility and I'm already stretched at work. But this place brings in the money so off to work i go! It seems like every weekend is booked with something - also positive but I am a big fan of the "do nothing day", so I'm excited to get a day i can actively do nothing at all in the next six weeks or so.
I tend to ramp up my workout regimen during this time of year but I just can't seem to find the energy. I am just spent. Which also puts me in a mood. I enjoy being physical and sweating but a recent injury has sidelined me and it's hurt my feelings a lot more than I thought. Recovery has taken it's sweet as s time and I'm getting impatient. But I can do nothing else but wait it out. Which, in my usual SWC way would be jetting off to an island and soaking up the sun but I can't pack up and fall off the radar just yet because I've got too many balls in the air, which puts my wanderlust into panic mode.
Do you see my dilemmas?
MY LIFE IS SO HARD YOU GUYS! Adulting and having priorities is wack!
But for real...I'm tired, but I'm ok. I have my Oprah moments and a good cry with my bestie and I feel better. I'm doing LOTS of self care: massages, soaking hot baths, lemon water, more sleep, more Netflix, more aimless walks (you'd be surprised at how little we aimlessly walk around, think about it: just walk without a destination or an errand. Do that more!) But this weather has been abysmal for walks so maybe more Netflix? Playlists that either cheer you up (hey Spice Girls, hey!) or bring you way down into the abyss which is your soul (looking at you Weeknd).
So my feed is a little quieter now because I simply don't have the energy to post and tag and link and hashtag and the whole lot. I don't! My "brand" ain't shit I guess (Kanye shrug) but whatever.
Hell, this took me about 4 days to write. I'm going to take a nap.
Get some rest Squares!